I Don’t Give a Shit About the Shang-Chi Movie

Well, there’s a new sensation that’s sweeping the nation
And I haven’t been this supposed-to-be-excited since Crazy Rich Asians
It’s a massive crack in the bamboo ceiling, gotta do our part to support
Gotta buy the tickets, gotta fill the theatres, gotta prove that we can be a market force
And sure, it’s great to have a tentpole that features an Asian male lead
And I’m legitimately happy for all who’re excited, but I also just really need
To say that

I don’t give a shit about the Shang-Chi movie
I really don’t give a fuck
To see another piece of warmed-over Marvel crap
You couldn’t pay me enough
Yeah, I’m down for my people, and I’m down for our art
But if you think this is it, then you really ain’t smart
‘Cause if change only happens when Hollywood makes a buck
I just can’t be bothered
To give a fuck

So Marvel’s figured out that minorities exist
And if they only cast white people, the press will be pissed
So they’re woking right up, they’re getting right to work
Assembling a Benetton cast of strongman jerks

Everyone get in here! Everyone snort a hit
Of this tired old narrative of exceptionalist shit
It’s a high-budget spectacle only millionaires can fund
And if we’re not included, we’re supposed to feel bummed

But I don’t need Disney to tell me I’m worthy
Of being a hero or a princess either
I’ve got a heart and a voice and a brain
And I can tell my own stories all the same
And that’s why

I don’t give a shit about the Shang-Chi movie
I really don’t give a fuck
To hear another self-aware joke about how superheroes are people too
You couldn’t pay me enough
Yeah, I’m down for the cause, yeah I’m down for the fight
But if you think this is it, that just ain’t right
‘Cause if our culture’s still controlled by the same corporate schmucks
I just can’t be bothered
To give a fuck

“But Topher, if this movie doesn’t make money, they might not make a sequel”
I just don’t give a fuck

“This will increase opportunities for Asian-American actors”
Bullshit, all of those jobs are going to Awkwafina only

“The fight choreography pays homage to Jackie Chan and classic wuxia movies.”
Great, I’ll watch that stuff instead.

And maybe it’s just some club-that’d-accept-me-as-a-member thing
But really just fuck clubs at all
We have what we need here and the grass is well and green
Why are we trying to scale this wall?
Like, it’s great that Tony Leung has a Hollywood part now
But I’d rather people see him in his other roles

No, seriously, though, go watch Infernal Affairs or In the Mood for Love, or just any number of other Hong Kong movies, there’s a whole filmmaking industry and culture there with like 90 years of history to explore, I’ve still got so many of them to watch, and that’s why I once again cannot emphasize enough that

I don’t give a shit about the Shang-Chi movie
I really don’t give a fuck
To see another goddamn confusing mess of an action finale
You couldn’t pay me enough
Yeah, I’m down for my people, and I’m down for our art
And when the cause is right, you can bet I’ll do my part
When it’s borne of our power and not just dumb luck
I’ll be really happy
To give a fuck