Great Moments in Asian Representation

Topher stands center stage at podium with a boba drink on top.

GO.

Hello, and welcome to Great Moments in Asian Representation! (motions for applause) It’s Asian-American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, and that means it’s time to commemorate and honor the brave individuals who broke through the bamboo ceiling and showed America that Asians too have a place at the table.

Topher then shows a photo and reads an anecdote off the back of the photo. The photo and anecdote change every night. See more examples below.

Tonight we honor Sheldon Wong, Charles Lai, Kenny Kwan, Raymond Lam and Daniel Li, hailing from Queens, New York. In October 2015, these five college students brought Michael Deng, a freshman pledge for their Asian fraternity, out to the woods as part of a hazing ritual. After subjecting Deng to insults and slurs, they tackled him to the ground and sent him into a coma. Deng died the next morning. Thank you Sheldon, Charles, Kenny, Raymond, and Daniel for showing that, contrary to media stereotypes, we too are capable of toxic masculinity and shitty frat hijinks. This is a big step towards proving that Asians can do anything and everything that’s historically been the privilege of white Americans.

In honor of this great achievement, we award you one boba.

Topher sucks a boba ball up the straw and toots it out into the audience.

Well, that’s it for tonight’s ceremony. Come back tomorrow night to learn about our next honoree and their contributions to a world where Asian people can be just as shitty as everyone else! CURTAIN!

CURTAIN.

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Other anecdotes:

Tonight we honor Tommy Huang. A Taiwanese immigrant who married the heiress to a BBQ sauce fortune in 1977, Huang used his wife’s wealth to purchase cheap real estate throughout Flushing. He exploited holes in zoning regulations and corrupt local politicians to rapidly construct a series of shoddy buildings full of code violations, and became known as the “Asian Donald Trump.” Thank you Tommy for showing that we too can be slumlords who use generational wealth to exploit renters for passive income. This is a big step towards proving that Asians can do anything and everything that’s historically been the privilege of white Americans.

Tonight we honor Seung-Hui Cho. In April 2017, Cho committed what was at the time the deadliest mass shooting in history at Virginia Tech, killing 32 people and wounding 17 others. In the wake of this tragedy, politicians largely attributed the shooting to Cho’s mental illness and avoided sweeping policy reforms. Thank you Seung-Hui for showing that we too can have heinous acts chalked up to our individual mental illness and not our race or any other generalizable pattern. This is a big step towards proving that Asians can do anything and everything that’s historically been the privilege of white Americans.

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Originally performed on May 27, 2022 as part of The Infinite Wrench and produced by the San Francisco Neo-Futurists.